Gaming and Addictions

Some of you who know me know that I am a “reformed” gamer.  I was addicted to a game called Warcraft.  In the beginning I didn’t even want to play with other people online, yet the game developers originally made it so compelling, it was hard to leave.  I never gave it much thought in the beginning, but as I found myself spending an inordinate number of hours seeking gear and higher status for my characters, I realized that something wasn’t quite right.

At some point I realized that Warcraft designers built into their game something called Intermittent Rewards.  This is what compels gamblers.  You have no control over the reward system and you never know when you will receive that adrenaline hit.  But once you get it, you want it again and again.  I’ll never forget the time a very rare item dropped and I won the “roll.”  Yes, the game contains very close ties with gambling.  It was worth a great deal of gold in the game.  I didn’t need it for my character and I could sell it on the open market.  I made a ton of gold selling it and I was able to buy one of the best mounts in the game.  In able to compete at the highest levels of raiding, besides having the necessary skill, you must amass a great deal of gold and gear and have a certain amount of status with great mounts etc.  This hit kept me going for a long while… ;)

I realized that I was hooked and I quit the game, more than once.  Yes, it was an addiction and I had to go back.  I haven’t played the game seriously in several years now and I can safely say I could go back and not be hooked.  Well, at least I think so.  It’s lost its appeal and besides as in many things, it became ordinary after a while.

What I’ve learned recently is that this same behavior carries through in other parts of my life.  I’ve led a fairly protected life up until the death of my husband when I had to venture forth into a world of strangers.  It’s been interesting to say the least, but also very difficult.  I realized that people can also use the intermittent reward system and it can hook you.  What was baffling to me was my attraction to such people, because in the end the “house” always wins and it was a painful lesson each time.  Yet, I always went back for more.  I was thinking in humanistic terms always, infatuation, personal attraction, commonalities, even developing a better relationship, or a friendship in the least.  I thought I was always trying to make things better, to understand, to know the person better, when in fact I was addicted to the intermittent reward.

How does this work in personal relationships?  Well let’s say it starts with a series of rewards.  Contacting you constantly, pursuing you, telling you things you want to hear, then it suddenly slows, until you just have no idea when the next reward will come.  You wait and wait, hoping.  Then it comes when you least expect it, and with it comes the adrenaline rush, the smile on your face that perhaps they really do care.  Then when they know they have you hooked they withdraw even more, their attention turns to hooking yet another naïve player.  I mean it’s all about having the most addicted to them and their game.  Then just when you are thinking that it’s time to quit, the “game producer” pulls out another big reward; one that might hook you forever without much effort on their part while they go about hooking others.  Interestingly, these creators tell you up front that you will never win because they aren’t interested in ever giving you what you really want.  Absolute genius!  What a better way to keep you trying.  But you must remember you will rarely win because the odds are not in your favor. 

So what I did I learn from realizing this?  That I was looking in the wrong direction always.  I was trying to figure out the game and its creator, when I needed to figure out myself and my own reaction to the game.  Once you realize you are being manipulated and like a Pavlov dog salivating to a ringing bell, it suddenly becomes apparent that it’s not the game or the creator, but you who needs to change.  I’ve never thought of myself as a gambler, but I see I have the traits that can hook one into a dangerous game of trying to win something that is impossible.

So, just like I walked away from Warcraft, I shall do the same in my life.  Game over, plain and simple.

PS:  This blog was written some time ago, just felt today was a good time to share it.